Barriers To Communication – The Blockers

One Set Assembled One Set Un-assembled

One technique I use to train students, in my law school clinical program for estate planning, is how to be more effective when counseling their clients. This was shared with me by a highly respected colleague. It consists of two sets of blocks pictured in the photo to the right. My students counsel live-clients and prepare their estate planning documents. If they were to approach that task like many attorneys do, they would have a checklist of items to be completed. Clients must follow their attorney’s agenda making inquiries like, “Are you married?”, “Do you have any children?”, “What are their ages?”and so forth until the questionnaire is completed. During the entire interview, the client is dying to tell the attorney about the disastrous process they experienced when their mother died and the family fought over every little detail and how two of her siblings will no longer speak to one another. She wants to make sure that her plan will avoid that problem if at all possible.

Her attorney never heard about her concerns because it wasn’t on his checklist. Now, the client will depart and return to finalize those documents later. The attorney will present them in nice simulated leather binder and they will part company. The client will never returned for future services. Nor will that client ever refer others to that practice, but why?

It was because the attorney’s agenda didn’t allow the client to express herself and talk about what she felt was important. In fact, the client didn’t really understand why her feelings about her earlier experience were never heard. She thought that was important, but, he is an experienced attorney. Apparently that didn’t matter. The truth is that the attorney never connected with the client and never got to the root of the problem.

The attorney who “processes”  clients, produces their documents, and sends them out the door is, in my opinion, not the exception. But they can be found everywhere. You must connect with your client. But that cannot be accomplished using the checklist approach, following your agenda, and not the client’s. The only way to find out what the client’s agenda is, is to allow the client to set the stage and paint the picture that they wish to paint. If you “process” your client’s, you will be competing with on-line resources. Because, that is all that they do – fill out the forms based upon sterile questions. There is no opportunity for the on-line applicant to express themselves beyond the format provided. You are not a computer; act like it!

The Blocks

I select two volunteers. Each one takes one set of the blocks. One is directed to build something with the blocks which are all to be touching one another. Upon completion of that directive, I instruct the other student to reproduce that assembly while sitting next to the first student in view of her assembly. Of course, he replicates it without difficulty and I ask the rest of the students to give him a “hand” for his fine work.

Next, they are instructed to take a position with their backs to one another so that they cannot view what their partner is doing. I tell one of them to reassemble the blocks in another pattern once again. Once that is done, I tell the student with the un-assembled blocks to reproduce what the other student just created using “leading questions” only. In other words, the answer by the other student must be “yes” or “no” or if 15 seconds elapse (as non-responsive), to ask another leading question to recreate what that student has assembled. This leads to a great deal of frustration as the blocks consist of three different wedges, two different squared blocks and two different cylinders. They can’t be distinguished by color. Calling something a wedge is inadequate to distinguish one wedge from another. Also, the position of each block creates even greater issues of identification. The orientation as to which side is grounded is puzzling and how the position of one to the other can be appropriately described is even more frustrating.  They struggle, but eventually the “assembler” will complete the task. I then ask them to view one another’s assembly.

After 13 years of using this three times a year, not once has a student completed this project with any degree of success. “Your clients have a picture in their mind that you will need to replicate to address their goals completely” I tell them. However, the client has an infinite number of blocks to build upon. And, unlike this exercise, NONE of their block are identical to yours. Yet, if you attempt to construct their “assembly” by asking leading questions and forcing them to follow your agenda, it won’t work.

What is their agenda?

You need to ask open-ended questions such as, “What brought you here today?” Tell me about your family? Tell me about your experiences concerning the transfer of property upon someone’s death in your family? Ask them about the dynamics of the relationship among their children. What are they attempting to accomplish with their estate plan? What are their most important objectives in passing their property?

Ask them for background and context. What experiences have they had with probate? If you allow them to talk about it, you will be better able to draft documents that address the issues they feel are important based upon their own experiences. Most of the time, you will find that your agenda will be accomplished as the client’s conversation will contain the information you will need. They will describe their family, how many children they have, their marital status and so forth. Certainly, follow-up and prompt them to explore in more detail the information that you will need such as, “how old are your children?”. But allow them to lead the conversation and you become the follower.

Tell Me About Yourself

Why do some practices grow while others struggle to survive? Largely, it is a function of good communication and that means that you must CONNECT with your client. It is the only thing that will distinguish you from your competitors. How do you connect? Find something that triggers a response that tells you the client is engaged. You will know it when you see it. Ask them to “Tell me about yourself?” Try to find points of connection between yourself and your client. They served in the military, do did your father like them, during the 2nd World War. Build upon the similarities and connectors. Once you make a connection, they will be more forthcoming and willing to talk to you about what is important to them. They will leave feeling good about you as someone who is truly concerned about what matters most to them. That is how you build trust and build return and referral business.